Thank you for such a long/thoughtful sharing. I felt like I'd found your journal under your pillow, and was secretly reading "while there's time." :) It was of compelling interest to me. In 2022, I'd had this intensely eerie dream that was essentially a premonition that I would "die in May of 2024." The very same week, I ran into a friend whose husband had died in 2021. She was leaving the grocery store as I was going in, and we had only limited time to catch up. But it was important to her to tell me that while her husband was dying at home in her arms, he'd told her he'd be able to meet with her to help when it was "her time" -- "in three years." He told her his already-deceased brother had already "met with him," and he'd told him dying is as easy as crossing a street; even a toddler has absolutely no trouble with such a task... but it can have hazards, so he wanted to be there for him. Her husband then promised he'd be there for her, and for a few others whose time would come simultaneously... and I was one of the ones in the group! He died in May of 2021, so "in three years" chillingly matched my premonition exactly. So, from February 2022 all the way to May of 2024, I gave a lot of thought to life and death and the "mystery surrounding us." I'm a cancer-survivor (indeed currently dealing with a recurrence-diagnosis) and my own health protocols were proving too difficult as my job as a grade-school Music Teacher was expanding to more and more classes in a growing private school. I'd resigned so that my job would end in May of 2024. Maybe that would be enough? No longer a Music Teacher and some other new identity was yet to be born? A friend had her wedding shower that May, and we women lit a campfire and cooked all of our food as if camping. Afterward, we all threw something into the fire to symbolize getting rid of an old life and freeing space for the new. Seemed poetically well-timed. I brought a photocopy of my birth certificate, declaring I was wide open for change. I had JUST RECENTLY attended my first Orthodox service... believe it or not: Orthros for Great and Holy Friday. I had done nothing for Easter, and I was elated to get a "second chance" by the later celebration. While trying to think of "what will I do if I don't teach?", I read Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life, and from there... long story slightly shortened... I ended up following Jonathan Pageau's Symbolic World. and that's how I got interested in Orthodoxy. I landed solidly in love with Orthodoxy in that Orthros. To this singer and once-singing-teacher, the Byzantine chant slid down my ears to my throat to my heart like a hot bowl of soup with bread soaked with melted butter on a freezing cold day. Sundays I used for planning out my teaching week, but I SO wanted to go back. I sensed there was a new world for me there, and it was one of the things I talked about as I prefaced "why I'm burning my birth certificate."
I didn't die. As it turned out, my friend whose husband had died, ALMOST died from fasting on only what grew in her yard -- Jerusalam artichokes and pecans -- for months... in preparation to leave this life that May (another long story, but I believe God intervened with a number of events that saved her and set her forth with circumstances that took care of her rental expenses "for life" and gave her an opportunity to set up an at-home business. She had dreams that told her there was too much work left for her to do HERE, and the dreams assured her of the serious importance of the work -- she's a relationship counselor, essentially). However, my next-door neighbor died, right at the Western Easter. And in September, my dear cat, Thackery Zachary, was killed as he was run over by a car, right in the shared driveway right in front of my house. I heard him cry out when it happened -- exactly at the same time (6am) as my kitten Alice died in my arms on exactly the same date (September 12th), in 2008. I live in a duplex, and I often remember the sound of my neighbor's bright and cheerful cackly laugh as she watched movies with her husband on the other side of my living room (I used to think she'd be a wonderful voice-over for a friendly witch's laugh in a children's cartoon). I remember her yelling at her dogs now and again, too. The dogs (all of them little and old), oddly enough, all died that year, as well. One at a time. After the third one was gone, Cathy didn't last much longer. Her husband still lives next door, but I rarely hear him laughing now. All is so quiet over there. Things certainly changed.
I finally made it back to the Orthodox church in the spring of 2025. On the Saturday following St. John's Day, I was catechized into Holy Ascension Orthodox Church in Norman, Oklahoma. My recurrence-diagnosis came in November, and my spiritual father sped up my Chrismation date -- which occurred on the day after my 57th birthday -- the first Sunday after Theophany (my first lifetime confession was actually ON my birthday!).
Anyway, thanks for the opportunity to share personal stuff here. I was raptly fascinated by what YOU were experiencing in 2024. There were SO MANY tie-ins. It was a meaningful year, and your post today has given me an extra sense of wonder about "all this."
Wow, what an amazing story! And today is the feast of St. Luke the Surgeon, a fearless Russian saint of the 20th century, so entrust him with your medical journey. How interesting, all these ins and outs of life, and the intersections we have with the angels and saints.
Oh, and I regret not including the sincere wish of "Memory Eternal" for your husband's brother and mother. Anniversaries such as these are so richly important, and I am so grateful to be in a faith-tradition that embraces the richness so wholeheartedly... God bless.
Thank you for sharing some of your life with us. We come from different backgrounds, but the ison of memories of beauty, and death, life and love is the same.
Thank you for such a long/thoughtful sharing. I felt like I'd found your journal under your pillow, and was secretly reading "while there's time." :) It was of compelling interest to me. In 2022, I'd had this intensely eerie dream that was essentially a premonition that I would "die in May of 2024." The very same week, I ran into a friend whose husband had died in 2021. She was leaving the grocery store as I was going in, and we had only limited time to catch up. But it was important to her to tell me that while her husband was dying at home in her arms, he'd told her he'd be able to meet with her to help when it was "her time" -- "in three years." He told her his already-deceased brother had already "met with him," and he'd told him dying is as easy as crossing a street; even a toddler has absolutely no trouble with such a task... but it can have hazards, so he wanted to be there for him. Her husband then promised he'd be there for her, and for a few others whose time would come simultaneously... and I was one of the ones in the group! He died in May of 2021, so "in three years" chillingly matched my premonition exactly. So, from February 2022 all the way to May of 2024, I gave a lot of thought to life and death and the "mystery surrounding us." I'm a cancer-survivor (indeed currently dealing with a recurrence-diagnosis) and my own health protocols were proving too difficult as my job as a grade-school Music Teacher was expanding to more and more classes in a growing private school. I'd resigned so that my job would end in May of 2024. Maybe that would be enough? No longer a Music Teacher and some other new identity was yet to be born? A friend had her wedding shower that May, and we women lit a campfire and cooked all of our food as if camping. Afterward, we all threw something into the fire to symbolize getting rid of an old life and freeing space for the new. Seemed poetically well-timed. I brought a photocopy of my birth certificate, declaring I was wide open for change. I had JUST RECENTLY attended my first Orthodox service... believe it or not: Orthros for Great and Holy Friday. I had done nothing for Easter, and I was elated to get a "second chance" by the later celebration. While trying to think of "what will I do if I don't teach?", I read Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life, and from there... long story slightly shortened... I ended up following Jonathan Pageau's Symbolic World. and that's how I got interested in Orthodoxy. I landed solidly in love with Orthodoxy in that Orthros. To this singer and once-singing-teacher, the Byzantine chant slid down my ears to my throat to my heart like a hot bowl of soup with bread soaked with melted butter on a freezing cold day. Sundays I used for planning out my teaching week, but I SO wanted to go back. I sensed there was a new world for me there, and it was one of the things I talked about as I prefaced "why I'm burning my birth certificate."
I didn't die. As it turned out, my friend whose husband had died, ALMOST died from fasting on only what grew in her yard -- Jerusalam artichokes and pecans -- for months... in preparation to leave this life that May (another long story, but I believe God intervened with a number of events that saved her and set her forth with circumstances that took care of her rental expenses "for life" and gave her an opportunity to set up an at-home business. She had dreams that told her there was too much work left for her to do HERE, and the dreams assured her of the serious importance of the work -- she's a relationship counselor, essentially). However, my next-door neighbor died, right at the Western Easter. And in September, my dear cat, Thackery Zachary, was killed as he was run over by a car, right in the shared driveway right in front of my house. I heard him cry out when it happened -- exactly at the same time (6am) as my kitten Alice died in my arms on exactly the same date (September 12th), in 2008. I live in a duplex, and I often remember the sound of my neighbor's bright and cheerful cackly laugh as she watched movies with her husband on the other side of my living room (I used to think she'd be a wonderful voice-over for a friendly witch's laugh in a children's cartoon). I remember her yelling at her dogs now and again, too. The dogs (all of them little and old), oddly enough, all died that year, as well. One at a time. After the third one was gone, Cathy didn't last much longer. Her husband still lives next door, but I rarely hear him laughing now. All is so quiet over there. Things certainly changed.
I finally made it back to the Orthodox church in the spring of 2025. On the Saturday following St. John's Day, I was catechized into Holy Ascension Orthodox Church in Norman, Oklahoma. My recurrence-diagnosis came in November, and my spiritual father sped up my Chrismation date -- which occurred on the day after my 57th birthday -- the first Sunday after Theophany (my first lifetime confession was actually ON my birthday!).
Anyway, thanks for the opportunity to share personal stuff here. I was raptly fascinated by what YOU were experiencing in 2024. There were SO MANY tie-ins. It was a meaningful year, and your post today has given me an extra sense of wonder about "all this."
Wow, what an amazing story! And today is the feast of St. Luke the Surgeon, a fearless Russian saint of the 20th century, so entrust him with your medical journey. How interesting, all these ins and outs of life, and the intersections we have with the angels and saints.
Oh, and I regret not including the sincere wish of "Memory Eternal" for your husband's brother and mother. Anniversaries such as these are so richly important, and I am so grateful to be in a faith-tradition that embraces the richness so wholeheartedly... God bless.
A rough time, and sometimes difficult to read about, but what a blessing that there were so many beautiful moments. Memory Eternal!
Thank you for this beautiful, beautiful essay. Blessings to you and Fr. G. and your family, and may all your loved one's *Memory Be Eternal*.
Thank you for sharing some of your life with us. We come from different backgrounds, but the ison of memories of beauty, and death, life and love is the same.
Tears, tears, tears...